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Originally Posted by SanInUtah
When he asks where BF is now I tell him I don't care, we don't want to know him. If he'd acted like a man my son's bio-family would be intact. When you're part of a family respect is one way that you show love. BF has no respect for his kids or his ex-wife. We don't have to respect Bf, or his actions. [/i] LOL
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No, you do not have to respect him, respect is something definately earned. However, your answers and attitude are sending a message to your son that you consider part of who he is to be worthless. In not "caring", in not wanting to know about him, you are invalidating your son's need to know. Not everything is black and white and even the most dysfunctional people have some redeeming qualities. You need to find those qualities for the sake of your son. Just because you do not care about his birthfather does not mean he does not as well. He would not have asked about him if he did not have some kind of interest.
And bottom line... they do share genetic material. They may share physical characteristics as well as skills and temperament. Helping him find the positive things he shares with his birthfather as well as helping him understand his fathers actions and how they affected his birthfamily, are both important tasks.