[blambdin]

I am a birthfather and have never met or had contact with my birthdaughter. The birthmother and I were both 17 years old at the time of adoption. I would hope that the adoptive parents didn't think that I "ditched" my responsibility. I worry that they think that and that they tell their daughter that they "don't care who he is".

I only stepped in on the post to give you a glimpse of the other side. I have thought about my birthdaughter for the last 32 years. Would she have had a good life with me at 17 years old? Maybe not the best, but I would have given it my all. I was young and have changed a lot in the last 33 years, I have grown to become the man that my parents raised me to be. Please be sure that what you are telling your children is open and not spiteful. People change and emotions take over. This young birthfather may have been so scared that he didn't know what to do, he may have thought that this was the best thing to do. He may not have had the support that the birthmother had. No one can say how he will feel in 10, 20, or even 30 years. He is the only one that will be able to tell his side of the story. It would be wonderful if he were given the chance when that time is appropriate. I wouldn't say anything negative, even if it was true. My wife has two children from a previous marriage and we would never say anything negative about their dad. She divorced him, the kids did not. When they get older they can make their own decisions about him.

I hope that this makes sense and that you don't mind a birthfather jumping in.