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Originally Posted by maxkinzie
Hi,
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by maxkinzie
I know I'm jumping the gun a little timewise, but have been thinking about explaining "stuff" to DD...
Can't make sense of this one...How do I explain to DD that her bfather ditched BMom when he found out she was pregnant? I realize I don't know all the details but my opinion of him isn't real high, I don't think telling DD what a loser I think he was to leave is going to be constructive. How do you tell a kid that their bdad wanted nothing to do with them??????
Ideally I'd like her to understand "him" in a light that would at least allow her to talk to him and make her own decision about him (should he ever enter the picture). Or is there just no excuse for ditching, and don't try to soften it with "there's 2 sides to every story" type stuff?
If all goes as we all intend it to, we will open the adoption with BMom, all parties want her to be a part of DD's life, so hopefully she will at least have that :-)
thanks for any suggestions.
Max
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You condone what you justify. I've never preached this to my son but we've touched on it. Being a man is about restraint and responsibility. He needs to learn it and believe it. I think he gets it now.
Our son knows that his parents where married and his mother wound up living in a car with 7 kids. (His siblings remember this time so there's no hiding it.) He also knows it's because his father was mean to Mom and she had to escape him. When he asks where BF is now I tell him I don't care, we don't want to know him. If he'd acted like a man my son's bio-family would be intact. When you're part of a family respect is one way that you show love. BF has no respect for his kids or his ex-wife. We don't have to respect Bf, or his actions.
That's just my opinion. There's a cross-section of young men out there that think it's their place to spread their superior seed and then disappear when the bills arrive. In L.A., it's not uncommon to hear them bragging about having 4-5 kids, none of whom they know, by 3-4 different women...by age 25. Some even allow their kids to go into foster care or sign their rights away, all the while creating new children. That's not being a man. They aren't fathers. (Can you guys remember the name of the basketball player who's gone on record recently as having around 20 illegitimate kids? He was strutting about it.)
If I want my son to be responsible for his own actions, and his own children someday, then he has to hear it told truthfully. I've also made sure that my DH has had this talk with his little sister. She's 14 and boy crazy. We had to convince her that boys are incabable of a clear thought from ages 13-18. That hormones rule their lives. That they won't 'die' if she holds back. When she acted incredulous my son piped up saying
"...you'll have kids you aren't ready for if you do sexing before you're married!". LOL