[marimari]

I can relate to what Tim is saying, too...When we are not allowed to express what we feel, right or wrong, it soon stifles us, especially hearing that we are supposedly feeling sorry for ourselves..well, yes, at that moment we perhaps are and we are just looking for someone to say, yup, that sucked.
While not an adoptee, but as a child, i was in foster homes, I remembered when reading the above posts that I was always told to knock that chip off my shoulder..which as a kid, I really didn't understand, but as I grew up, I learned like you all, to just shut up.
It doesn't seem to matter how much we are provided with, as in tangible stuff that we get as children, if we are not valued enough as individuals, especially in homes where we will be the lone one like us, we become a hodge-podge of personalities and we do seem to adapt. For a while..then, things just seem to bite us in the butt at a later date.
I can't say that it's ok to blame most of our woes on the separation of mother and child, because at some point we do have to become accountable..as adults we have the ability to make choices, unlike when we were wee ones.
I think it'd be OK, good even, to gently tell the people who waved the feeling sorry for yourself banner in front of us that we actually had a hard time melding and that it did hurt!!!

That we think people set us apart, well, that may be more of our own perceptions than the actuality, altho kids can be cruel, for sure...but consider the possibility that most people will not be able to tell unless of course there are very obvious differences, like skin color, etc..
I wonder how many adoptive parents who go out of their country to adopt ever consider how that child will fit in given physical differences that will be readily apparent? Not only are kids cruel, for sure...they learn their intolerances from someone....

Anyway, my point was going to be that as adults we are in the position of being able to celebrate our differences. We can let some of the aches from childhood fade a bit as we try to focus on all that was good..is still good. Other people who have not walked the walk will more than likely just not get it. I guess it's being unfair to expect them, too..no matter how loving they are, the alone feelings of many adoptees are near impossible to really understand... thankfully there is this place to come and take comfort in knowing that one isn't alone or an oddball...it's ok to cry here and not have to worry about anyone giving you something to cry about...I hope that adoptive parents will read what you all have written thus far and remember that it's always important to honor our children's feelings, whether they fall and scrape their knees or have hurt feelings...empathy and compassion will serve us all well.