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Originally Posted by mrflick
My wife and I are thinking of adopting a child in the 11-14 age range. We have two children now (both by birth): a 7 year old son and a 2 year old daughter.
I have found numerous articles about adopting "older" kids, but they have all been in the context of the adopted child being an only child. I have not found any information about younger birth kids all of a sudden having older adopted siblings.
I think our son is old enough that we can talk about this with him before we get the ball rolling, but at what point do we bring up this subject with our daughter? I belive adoption to be a beautiful and noble thing, and I want my birth kids to understand that; however, above all, I want them to realize that Big Sis is in fact just that, Big Sis...regardless of who gave birth to her.
Any thoughts or links to articles are greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
Matt
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Matt,
Teen adoption is sorely needed in this country, but you're not a candidate by most county standards...for good cause.
Every child who enters into a multi-child household will push their way into the existing family dynamics. It's how they make a place for themselves. Younger siblings typically emulate and follow older ones, older ones typically resent it.
For reasons of safety, most counties won't allow you to adopt 'out of the birth order', meaning that you won't be allowed to adopt a child older than your youngest child living at home. In L.A. County the seperation in ages is about 24mos, but they'll make considerations if the child is coming into a group home or home with biological siblings in placement.
There are laws governing this rule but the laws vary by county and state. they exist for the emotional well-being and physical safety of kids who will be displaced (no one's ever exempt) by the sudden presence of a larger, stronger child. Also, when an older child is brought into a home where the other kids are much younger (as in your case) the failure/disruption rate is higher. That's not good for anyone involved, including the teenager.
If your trying to fill a void in available homes, for overlooked kids, you might want to consider at-risk infant care. That's not to mean severe disabilities. It means everything from AIDS babies to newborns who are detained healthy at birth and will be reunified, those found to be unsafe with their bio-families and detained at a young age (and suddenly need to be brought up to date on medical info, developmental assessments, ect), or infants waiting for a permanent fost-adopt placement. The need there is JUST as great as the need for teenage placements. Most people won't invest the time to be trained for infant licensing (which is not that much) or are afraid to become too attached.
You ought to ask your county about local laws regarding the separation of ages before you spend the time and money.