[Ashbre]

It is standard procedure here in Kentucky (according to the supervisors at the licensing board and also the attorney I work with who was a social worker while going to law school) to request documentation verifying that any individual abused as a child had counseling to deal with the issues so no, its not just me. They’ve already said once I obtain that verification (which I have already requested), they would approve us. My social worker put in her report that I appear to be a well-adjusted individual with no issues and she was surprised that they fell back on the rule.

Just because I was an abused and neglected child, that doesn’t mean I have become a co-dependent, doormat of a woman – that’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. I don’t let people walk over me or use me (ok, sometimes I do but I know I’m being used and there are times that I have to accept it - such as in being able to stay in contact with my now 14 yr old nephew who has always had a really rotten home life that I can’t do anything about other than to be there for him and sometimes this means I bite my tongue with his mom), I don’t let people talk down to me or treat me poorly. Instead, I am a very strong, independent person who tends to take care of people so I guess that could be an unresolved issue if you’d like. I became the mom to my two brothers when I was about 8 (our mom was out of the picture due to, we find out now, dad disappearing with us after being given temp custody). I am not a doormat, nor have I raised my daughters to be (ok, so I may have overshot that mark a bit as they are both very strong, independent almost women as well and not a bit shy of standing up for themselves). I do not tolerate or accept abuse of any nature.

I love my husband – I always have. But its not been an easy road as he does have some issues in regards to his daughter (who he gave custody of to his sister when the daughter was 6 yrs old so that he could drive semi – the sister raised her for 10 years). And I'm just tired of it all. So being put on hold at the moment for fostering has turned into a good thing.

So you suggest I work on myself and that will cause him to stop letting his daughter run all over him??? Exactly what part should I work on??? The part that causes me to want to help people??? The part that has had the backbone to take charge of my life at 16??? The part that has caused me to raise two great girls??? Or how about the part of me that was able to help my 14 yr old nephew whom I took in on an emergency basis while his father was in Iraq and his mother had kicked him out - he was quite an angry, violent child when I got him and a great kid by the time his dad got him almost a year later??? Oh wait, I'm supposed to work on how I react to hubby and stepdaughter? Exactly what would you, in your infinite wisdom, do differently had it been in your family???

And while I’m doing all this, I suppose I should just sit back and let the stepdaughter do whatever she wants in regards to these two little ones who asked for none of this??? This includes violating court orders, making the constant promises to the 3 yr old about how mommy got her a new house, a new bedroom, a new tv, new this and new that etc, giving fitness water to the 3 yr old just a couple of hours before bed, giving koolaide to the 1 yr old when I haven't even started giving him full strength yet. I should just ignore all this instead of getting upset that hubby doesn't see a problem with it???

I don’t see how you get this from my complaining about their laughing over how stupid the parenting classes are and what an idiot the therapist is. I’ve tried talking to him explaining that although he doesn’t believe in therapists (he calls them quacks who just con people out of their money), I've told him that he should support that his daughter needs to be taught parenting skills regardless of how he feels about therapists, counselors, psychologists etc. But if he did that, then the stepdaughter would be upset with him and put him on the silent treatment and he can't stand that.

We got the kids b/c I called CPS due to the no water, electricity/heat due to be shut off any day b/c of a $1300 power bill, being evicted and no where to go, children not on WIC or public assistance of any kind (this includes even having a medical card), crack being dealt and used around the children, medical neglect (7 mos old hadn’t been to the dr since he was 1 mo old, 2 yr old had to have 2 teeth pulled, 2 capped and 4 root canals). Hubby’s reaction to all of this was “well, I can’t do anything about it” prior to my calling CPS. And let’s not forget the recent scare of finding out that the almost 3 yr old granddaughter may well have been molested – but what can you expect to happen when stepdaughter doesn’t go get her daughter when she is told that the boyfriend has sent the little girl (then 2) to stay with an “crackhead uncle” (stepdaughter’s words) of his in another town for 4 days.

Stepdaughter has repeatedly told hubby he owes her whatever she wants b/c he gave her to his sister and wasn’t there for her growing up. And he goes out of his way to see that she’s happy so they can be friends. This includes loaning our cars (first time she rented it to a guy she had just met for $50; next she brought it home saying “I think someone hit it” – went out to look to see some pretty big dents on a driver’s side rear door; she repeatedly let her crack dealing boyfriend drive the car against our wishes resulting in another “I think someone hit it” and “there’s a hole (yes, an actual hole about 2-3 in across and 2 in tall) in your bumper but I don’t know how or where it happened”, etc etc etc.), letting her stay with us only to have her sneaking grown men into her bedroom to spend the night with her repeatedly, sneaking out without telling anyone leaving her daughter in my daughter’s bed, attacking my then 12 yr old daughter who was holding my 4 yr old niece (ambulance came).

And because I don’t want to put up with more of it and because I’m angry at their behavior and how it does and will affect the grandchildren, I’m in need of therapy????

I’m sorry but you don’t know me or how I handle things, you don’t even know exactly what I went through as a child/teen, you don’t know even know what all I've already put up with in regards to hubby and stepdaughter. You really don't know anything other than what I have posted. So I don’t see how you know enough to judge me and tell me what I need.

The only thing I can see from your response that was correct was that his behavior is not ok. And his responses to my trying to tell him that was for him to literally sit there laughing at me. I wasn’t screaming at him, I was talking calmly and rationally trying to get him to understand why he needs to support the classes.

At this point, I’ve told hubby that I can’t do it anymore. That I can’t just sit by and watch him and her make a mockery of the parenting classes (which they obviously don’t believe she needs or will learn anything from, I mean, don’t all mothers love to literally terrorize their small children to where they’re afraid of the dark at a year and a half of age??? And yes, we’ve seen her do it – she said she liked to hear them scream, she thought it was funny when they did.

I hate the thought of losing the little ones but already know that’s more than likely going to happen since I’m not “blood kin”.

If wanting to help people is a bad thing (the only thing I can and do trace back to my childhood), then I guess everyone on this board is suffering from that “unresolved issue” and I have no intention of changing it.