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Ashbre - this is deep, and I say this only to help, not to hurt feelings... I am reading between the lines and feel that the person who denied your original homestudy due to your not having therapy for past issues saw some of your issues coming into play with your current relationships. To be blunt, are you an enabler? Are you co-dependent? There is a reason why you are with your husband that plays into your child-hood (this can be said for all marriages - not just picking on you).
His behavior is absolutely not ok and does jeopardize you keeping the kids. You can not change him, but you can help the dynamics of your relationship by working on yourself. If you change the way you react to him (and to others) by working on yourself in therapy, it will change his reactions to you. And... possibly change his reactions to his daughter (not to mention his daughter's reactions to you).
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