[schenbergjoan]

I think you are right, that it depends on the individual school or congregation. We have attended Bar Mitzvahs at a very conservative shul here that has a pretty good number of adopted children from different ethnic backgrounds and the families are comfortable with that shul.

All I can say is that if a school or congregation is not comfortable for you, open to differences, etc., then you can search and find one that is. When we joined our reform congregation I told my daughter I did not know if there would be other kids there who look like her. Turns out that this congregation probably has more ethnic variety than most. My daughter used to say that we got fewer stares there than anywhere else.