[tobeafamily]

Ess,

These are good questions. I'd caution anyone though to decide based on them. Lawyers are not agencies. They're lawyers. Just like you would not ask an agency social worker how many times they've argued a case where an adoption was being challenged, Iwould not ask an attonrey their views on breast feeding and rooming in.

As such, there are many fine, qualified and respected attorneys who don't offer counseling, who don't provide birthparent services, who do strictly the legal aspects of adotpion - TPR, petition for legal guardianship w/ intent to adopt, petition to adopt.

To me, an unethical attorney will not provide you with a fee schedule. They will say they've filed paperwork that they have not. They'll tell you they can 'cover' illegal facilitator charges as 'birthmom expenses' in court so you can 'get around' a law. They'll tell you they have a pbmom who wants to place with you but only 'if you can pay a fee'.

As for charging you for services performed when the adoption fails, it's good to understand what all the fees you're being charged are and when they're being charged to you/assessed. If indeed papers had already been prepared before placement failed, then yes I'd say they did the time, they're entitled to the fee. Doctor's don't say we won't charge you for your IVF because you didn't have a baby, do they? So why should other professionals be required to do this or be considered 'unethical' if they don't?

My experience with attorneys is that most are very good at arguing or representing any view. Ultimately though their job is to be your adversary. They're also here to advise you based on their experience - which may not match your desires but may very well be good advice anyway. Not all advice is what we'd like to hear.

For instance, our attorney cautioned us very strongly against allowing our child to be discharged from the hospital and go home with his biological parents. Very strongly. As did our agency, though being counselors they had a 'softer' tone to it. Was that unethical? No. He was doing his job. Which was to counsel us on how to reach our goal of adopting this child. His job was to make sure that we understood the magnitude of risk we were undertaking and advise us not to do this. We did it anyway, and it worked out, and he did his job.

So, no, I don't agree that an attorney has to share your views about adoption. A good one has done many of them, and yeah, when you're in this business you can get cynical over time. Because they see a *lot* more than you do. For me, being a good attorney means that you've seen and done a lot, have performed your professional services for which you are licensed and trained without blemish and without fail, and they provide you with the best advice their experience has to offer - whether you like what they have to say or not.

Lastly, I will say this - it is important that you are comfortable working with your attorney as well as other professionals in your adoption. You're going to have these people in your life during some very stressful, turbulent times. So that really DOES count - if you don't like them (we did not like our TX attorney very much) it makes things less pleasant than if you do (We adored our VA attorney and our agency).

JMHO

Regina