|
You've gotten lots of great questions so far.
Just want to add...
We have 2 children. We worked with a different local atty for each of their adoptions. Sadly, both of our attys had a pretty negative attitude toward birthparents. We did not work with the first lawyer again just because of how awful her attitude was toward our child's bmom! Its a hard question to ask directly but some things that you can ask to get a sense of how they may regard birthparents are...
1. Who you in your office takes the calls that come in from potential birthmoms? And how are calls handled?
2. What is your view of counseling for all members of the adoption triad?
3. What are your views on open adoption? (regardless of your views, you want to hear how they think about it)
4. What are your views on birthmom's breast-feeding and rooming-in with baby at the hospital?
5. What are your views on adoptive parents being present for delivery?
Lawyers who are anti-birthparent will make that pretty clear in how they talk about birthparents throughout your initial meeting. They may talk about expectant moms who call their office as "birthmoms" even though that is not an appropriate term for someone just considering adoption. They may tell you that it will be hard to find a birthmom who does not abuse drugs or alcohol. They may tell you that they do not advocate counseling for the potential bmom lest it make her change her mind. They may tell you that a "good" hospital will keep baby away as much as possible from bmom and discourage breastfeeding so she cannot bond with the baby. They may tell you that you should try to get as close to bmom as possible and ask to be present for the delivery so that she will feel so attached to you that it would make it harder to change her mind and disappoint you. We did not know any of this at first and learned it the hard way. All of these things are said with the intent of helping you -- the adoptive family who is the atty's client achieve your goal of adoption. But all of these things are truly unethical. Run from an attorney who sends up any of these red flags... There are attorneys who care about both adoptive and birth parents and genuinely want to help.
On a totally different note, make sure you are very clear on what the atty's retainer covers and what "extra" charges will come up. And ask what the policy is if you experience a failed adoption. One atty we used actually charged a failed adoption penalty of $2500!!! So, while you are grieving the loss of that adoption situation, you are also slammed with a fee on top of it. And the fee was even higher if it was really close to delivery and their office had already drawn up "transfer of custody" documents... (Yeah, we were pretty stupid to work with that firm. Maybe if we'd asked questions of other adoptive parents as you are doing now we could've had a better experience).
HTH. Good luck with your meetings. Hope you find a great, ethical, and caring atty to help you form your family through adoption.
|