[ess922]

Let me start by saying that I truly believe in open adoption. We have maintained full openness with our older child's bmom and her family since dc's birth 2.5 yrs ago. We have visited, sent pics galore, have regular phone calls or email or snail mail contact. Just last week dc got on the phone and actually told bmom about the fun we had visiting a potential nursery school for fall! dc said: "went nursery school. saw guinea pig. got stickers. have fun! love you, momma (bmom's first name)." She said if she weren't in the middle of a grocery store on a cell phone at the time, she would have cried at hearing him talk to her like that! It did bring tears to our eyes as well. Its what we feel openness is all about and dc is just 2 -- its exciting to think about how that relationship will evolve in the future.

We are now also parents to a newborn. The relationship with newborn's birthparents was complicated throughout the long match (7 mos). Without disclosing too much info, there was a lot of drama b/n bmom and dad that we were caught in the middle of and there was substance abuse that resulted in baby being born with a positive tox-screen. We also provided a lot in the way of financial and emotional support to the couple throughout the match.

Since the baby's birth, I am struggling even more with my feelings toward bmom and bdad. Bmom's request for assistance with various things is unending. It feels like thats almost the only time or reason she contacts us -- b/c she wants to ask for something.

I did and still do care about her and bdad but I am feeling very frustrated with the whole situation. I want to maintain a healthy degree of openness with bmom and dad for baby's sake but am not sure how to navigate this relationship which I feel has been so complicated by so many factors.

We are in touch with b-aunts and one bgrandma. With them its a bit less complicated as we know they only want to know of and love the baby. We know thats the case with bmom and dad too but there are all these other issues at play and its hard to separate them and keep our focus on building the relationship for the child's future sake.

Thanks for reading all this and for any thoughts anyone can share.