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I am a 32 year old adoptee who is very thankful that my birthmother chose to give me up. I think every single situation is different. I never felt unloved, unwanted or like I didn't fit in. I definitely didn't feel like a kitten being raised by giraffes...
My parents had a biological son that is three years older than me, we were treated the same and although I am glad they were honest with me, I truly don't think I would have ever known I was adopted had they not told me.
My birthmother has a daughter who is 9 years older than me. She was 25 and didn't want another child. When I found out she had an older child, I think I was shocked at first, but I realized very quickly that my life was much better than it would have been had she kept me.
I had a miscarriage in 1993, a baby boy born early in 1994 who lived only a day, and 6 months later, my husband left. He wanted a divorce, but when the time came to sign the papers, he couldn't and wanted to get back together. While we were working on it, I got pregnant. I found out I was pregnant the day we finally decided we would continue with the divorce. I was 21 years old, and had no college education and was working at a minimum wage job. It never crossed my mind to give up my daughter. I felt she was a gift from God. I knew it would be hard and I would have to give up lots of things to raise her, but I knew that was what I wanted. I am lucky. I have an extremely loving, supportive family who was able to help when I needed it, along with my ex-husband's parents, who 10 years later are still like parents to me.
I started college when she was 6 months old and worked full time. I was lucky to have a mother who could keep her during the day and a job that was during the day so I was home with her every night. I graduated with my bachelor's degree when she was 4 years old. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I knew I had to...so I could provide for her.
I think that you have to decide what you truly believe to be better for your child. I know that there are many situations where adoptees are not in loving, caring homes and they felt like they belonged somewhere else. I am not one of those. If you choose adoption, it may be the best life for your child. No one can really answer the question for you. If you have any doubts, or feel that you want to raise the child, you can do it. It will be hard, but you are the mother and you can make it work if you choose to do so. Do what you feel is best. I have no bitter feelings toward my birthmom for giving me up even though she had a child already. I am thankful that she chose what she believed to be the best life for me (although my bmom in particular just really didn't care...she didn't want me...just didn't find out early enough to abort me)...either way, I am thankful for my life.
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