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Originally Posted by aray
My mom had to raise all 4 of us when my dad walked out on us.....because of it, she's an alcoholic, and not really a 'mom' she doesn't really know how to be anymore because she had to start looking out for HERSELF first for so long it seemed.....She's remarried to my stepdad for over 13 years and they have 2 children of there own....and now she more or less plays 'house' with them more than she ever even attempted to with us......because now she can be a stay at home mom again (when my dad left us she was a stay at home mom, she had to go back to school, and work full time in order to make ends meet - and that was only with the help of my grandparents she was barely able to do that! - they even bought her a house for us - small but a nice little house) Because of having to 'deal' with her I know that I will do everything that I can to not turn into her (I'm definetly not a drinker!) but I know how much she struggled, and how her stressfulness (word??) was 'taken' out on us - yelling, always tired, no time to play with us - upset at my dad.....just a mess.......
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Hi, Aray, Your post struck me pretty deep in two different ways, and I just want to throw this out there as food for thought and don't want any of it to sound harsh in any way, because it is not intended that way at all. So, first of all {{{BIG HUGG!!!!}}}
Do you wish she had placed the four of you for adoption, instead of doing what she needed to do to raise you? It may have been a difficult existence, but do you wish you had been somewhere else instead?
I raised 4 children singlehandedly, as did your mom. My aparents bought a small house for me and my 4 children because, even though I'd also put myself through school after my divorce, the money I made just didn't cover the bills. Thankfully, I was able to get to the point where I could pay rent and the home is now an investment (rental) for them. But still, it was a humilating position to be in.
It hasn't always been the best, we've struggled, we've gone without, I snapped at them when I shouldn't have because I was so exhausted at the end of the day. Sometimes, my back or feet hurt so bad that I can't go out and push my daughter on the swing, but that doesn't stop me from taking them to the movies on the weekend, or swimming with them a few times a week. I may not be 100% everytime they want "playtime", but I would be completely devastated if one of them wished they'd been placed for adoption, rather than growing up with, and enduring hardships with, their biological family.
You have a tough decision to make Aray. I'm sending loads of huggs your way.
Raina