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Foreign adoption is expensive, but as the other two replies said, nearly all the money goes to US agencies and governmental offices for most intercountry adoptions. We are doing Guatemala, where most of the money goes to an attorney to process our case and to the foster mother(s) that are caring for the babies for several months.
Since we started this process, we have had many people ask why we weren't adopting an American child. Although I believe it is really not their business and am insulted by the question, I have begun to realize that these people have no clue how difficult and unpredictable domestic adoption is in this country. It took us all of 2 weeks to decide domestic adoption was out of the question as we began researching adoption. Why? We found many negative aspects of domestic adoption:
1. It is now common for bmoms to chose the adoptive family. So basically you are competing with others to be the "best" family. Some people wait YEARS to be selected!!! After nearly 5 years of infertility, why would we wait an unpredictable number of YEARS to get a child when we can adopt internationally in 6 months to 1 year???
2. Even if you luck out and get selected by a bmom quickly, she has a long period of time to change her mind. There is a much longer period in which she can change her mind in domestic versus international adoption, so you would live in fear for several months up to a couple years, depending on the state laws, before you knew the child was definitely yours. In Guatemala, the mothers can change their minds, but usually that happens very early in the process (like 1-2 months).
3. Then there is private adoption where an attorney matches you with a bmother. If you think international adoption is expensive--check this out! When we looked at this option, we were quoted $40,000 to $80,000!!!
4. Lastly, our lovely foster care system. Foster care is so messed up in this country, it would be ridiculous if it were not so sad. I've heard so many horror stories from strangers, friends/acquaintances, and even distant family members about foster care cases--several have kept foster children themselves. It is not uncommon for someone to foster and attempt to adopt a child for upwards of 2 years, only to have the bmom return to claim the child after rehab, etc. While some of these mothers/fathers may have gotten their lives together and be able to truly care for the child, I know of many stories where judges have given custody back to drug addicted parents that couldn't even show a means of support for their child. I admire people that do foster case, but as a means of adoption, it would be a roller coaster that you could never predict.
So for all these reasons, domestic adoption was not the least bit attractive to us. I know there are children in the US that need homes and loving families, but children in Guatemala, China, and countries all around the world need homes as well. Children are children, no matter their race or ethnicity. Honestly, I'm not sure I would have felt confortable adopting a child of another race or ethnicity a few years ago because I grew up in a nearly all-white rural town, but then I became a teacher. I teach middle school math in a very racially diverse metro school and I love all my students and truly don't think of them as Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian, African-American, etc. They are simply children with the same wants and needs, hopes and dreams, and desire to feel loved. It always touches me to visit the cafeteria and see tables with friend groups where nearly every one of them is of a different race or ethnicity--it gives me hope that perhaps these younger generations will be more tolerant of differences than the past generations of our country.
Heather
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