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Originally Posted by kelceesmom
I am an adoptive mom. The gift we received was being able to complete our family. You really need to view all your options. Adoption is not always the answer. Find unbiased counseling. If you decide to parent wonderful and if not also wonderful because you completing someone else's family.
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Keegansmum,
While there is no doubt that adoptive parents benefit in adoption as this is what makes them parents, it should not be a factor in any decision you make for your child. You are a parent, trying to figure out what is best for you and your children. Your decision needs to be based on this alone. The bottom line is that for most birthparents and for many adopted people adoption is not all "Wonderful". There are enormous losses to both birthparents and adoptees. May I suggest a great book to read about this?
The Family of Adoption by Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao is excellent. There is also a section on adoptive parents.
While there is little doubt that adoption helps adoptive parents create families, that is
not the true focus of adoption. The true focus of adoption is finding families for children who need them. What you, as a parent, need to decide is whether or not your baby needs a family or whether you and your family can provide your child with what you believe he/she needs. You also need to consider the needs of your older child. He will also experience the loss of his sibling. Again, every deals with these losses in different ways. Please do not think that just because he is young the loss will not effect him.
As for myself, I am a birthmom in a fully open adoption. I was one of the first in the new wave of them. My son is 22 years old. I still deal with loss, although not in the overwhelming way I did in the first years after he was placed. I have good relationships with him and his whole adoptive family. It was a good decision for me and my son but it was not without tremendous loss to both of us. My two children that I am parenting have also dealt with these losses. It is hard to see your children struggle based on a decision you have made.
I would love to talk to you more if you like. PM me if you like.