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I adopted from foster care, and I'm sure the bparents would make me feel like a babysitter if the adoption was open. And I'm sure the child would be put very uncomfortably in the middle of a tug of war.
Even without the bparents being involved, the brelatives make me feel like a fake mom. Most of them are very positive about me, but in such a polite way that it makes me feel weird. And one is not the most supportive. My dd and I had a big spat yesterday, and my dd called her bgrandmother. Instead of the g'ma telling my kid that these things happen and assuring her that I love her, she told her that she would tell me that I should let her go live with her where she is appreciated.
But, children don't make such a distinction. Even when she was a new foster placement and she expected to return to her parents, my daughter wanted me to go live with her family to take care of her. Then for a while she promoted the idea that I should marry her dad so that she could have me too. She almost always maintains even now that her parents were fine and she loves and misses them and ought to have been allowed to stay with them. But according to the therapist she only says it because she thinks that is how she should feel, and I think that is correct, because a couple times when she has been thinking about her childhood she says things like her parents were evil people and it was horrible to live with them.
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