[heartbeat]

Hi Cmara,

I have the same problem with pretty much everyone. How much to reveal, do they wish I'd shut up, are they shocked that I'm opening up, am I going to scare them off with my intensity.

Your family reminds me somewhat of my ex in-laws. As time passed, I realized they were just laid back people; their lives had little to no drama or excitement, and if it did occur, it died down quickly. (that sounded bad, I just meant they weren't high-intensity people, and I always have been) I'd tell them some news that blew my mind, and they be excited for maybe 15-20 minutes, then it was back to cooking dinner and watching news. I was offended and hurt and felt stupid for a long time, until I saw them being the same way with everyone. I eventually found comfort with them. I experienced stability for the first time and felt safe. I often wished they were my parents instead of my a-parents. We always lived out of state, and I grew to look forward to visits at their home precisely because of the feeling of calm.

As for opening up, I'd suggest trying to get in touch with your feelings - if on a particular day you're feeling extra worried about what they think of you, examine the past few days in your life. Is/was there something at work making you feel insecure? Is it a time of the month when you feel like a blimp? Did a friend not return your call yet? Things that have nothing to do with your bfamily could be interfereing with your feelings and kind of bleeding over to them.

Warmly, heartbeat