[Cmara]

Just wanted to throw this topic out into the void and see if anyone else can relate? Have been in a reunion with birth aunt and 4 bsiblings since October. I was never fortunate enough to meet my bmom. She passed away earlier last year. I feel that I have really started to open up about my feelings with the b-aunt. She is an awesome person. I do feel that I can trust her. That being said: Have any of you really started to open up to a certain memeber of your bfamily only to have total regret after?

I feel that we briefly went through the "honeymoon" phase of the reunion. Everyone met me. Now I question some as to if they really want to know me or not????

Now, at this phase, I wonder if they really know me, or if I just put on the "mask" so that they would like me
Aside from that are all the "feelings" that have crept up from childhood since the reunion....rejection, anxiety, perfectionism, abandonment etc. The biggest factor is that I never got to hug my mom, have a converstaion with her, tell her I love her.

I have started to open up to b-aunt about these things. She is quick to be helpful, but I always feel regret after I tell her things. I really don't want to scare her away, but she has told me I could tell her anything. That would take a miracle, but maybe some day I will.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have enough "fake" relationships in my life. This time I want to do it right. But, I feel that I really want them to know me......imperfections and all. I don't want to create some big drama, but to me it seems like their main objective was to find this daughter that their mother had given up. Now that they have found me I fear that for some the interest is gone. From others who take the time to email, call or get together I sense that it's like any other family get together. The same things would be going on whether I was there or not. Am I making sense?

I guess I need to ask for more depth. Maybe they are nervous to bring up things from the past. I just want things to go a bit deeper than the normal chit-chat.

Anyone relate or have advice???????
Thanks!!