I do intend on giving complete history, momentoes and even pictures. However I don't want to have an 'active' relationship through out my child's life. I don't mean to sound cold or hearless, but I feel as though it would be best for all - and have my child later find me when he/she is ready.
Right now my biggest issue is the fact that the bdad is considering about raising our child alone (as our relationship distances itself more everyday-despite our continueing efforts to 'save' what's left) and this bothers me for many reasons.
Looking for adoptee's to respond or other's who know of any similar situations........
How would you feel if dad raised you, mom was literally only 10-15 miles away (neither of us can move due to us both having children with our ex spouses) and mom raised your 2 older siblings, but couldn't handle you? It's just not fair to me - I feel as though it would be 'less devestating' for the child to grow up in an adopted environment. Am I wrong in thinking that? And what if I do end up back with my ex - and you find me later and find all this out???? Then what???? Could I look like a more horrible mother????? I am also upset at him because I feel as though he's 'forcing' me to parent when I know I'm not ready for this child - and I don't want to bring it into this turmoil - I also can't ask him to relinquish if he doesn't want to - I know that - but I'm just so VERY concerned about my baby and it's well being - I'm just trying to do 'what's right'.
so please - any words or wisdom/advice/support/non-support....anything is welcomed!!!! I'm just really needing adoptee insight here!
|