[myheart]

Originally Posted by gottahavehope

I feel terrible? Do you think I am terrible for doing that? I want this relationship to work so badly. I promised her, and I mean it, I will never close the adoption. I guess what I was hoping you could all tell me is DOES IT GET EASIER? I know that it is so new and we have all these emotions. I just can't imagine it being this raw forever. I can't imagine that the jealousy she feels, the guilt I feel, and the saddness we both feel is going to be good for our son.

Please help.....

peace,
K

It is different for everyone,amoms and bmoms. When my son came home from the hospital I would get calls from my sons bmom at all hours of theday. She would often call me around 2:00 am....knowing I would be up feeding our son. It did not bother me one bit and it did not take away from our bonding time. The ironic thing was,...I was bonding with my son as I cuddle with him and fed him....but I was also bonding with B on the phone. Wow, I hadn't thought of that in a while. I knew that B needed me at that time and I was more than happy to be there for her...whenever she needed me. I was more of a comfort to her than her own counslers. But this is my story and this is what has worked for my family.

So, to answer your questions.....No, I do not think you are a bad person. You and she are both dealing with many emotions... that perhaps are unfamiliar. So, until each of you sorts them out....it is best to schedule what works for you at this moment. Time makes some of us stronger with good support. Find your support,... hang on to it.... because more than likely you will become the stronger one sooner than b-mom. Once you are able and if you are willing, you will be able to support her. I know that many b-moms on this forum say that it is not up to us a-moms in an open adoption to be the support for the b-moms in our lives.....but for me and B it has worked and how greatful to God I am that I have been there to support her during the darkest days of her life. She still calls me when she is at her lowest and I have always and will always be there for her !. She was my sons b-mom in the begining of this relationship,... but now she is also my friend, in fact one of my closest friends.

Yes, it does get easier for many, but it depends on the people that are involved everyone is different and everyone heals at different levels.
I do not know you or your sons b-mom, but I can only hope and pray that it will get easier sooner than later for the two of you. But like I said before you may become the stronger one first. By the way if she does not ask about the baby she may just be reaching out to you. It may be to difficult for her to hear about the baby. But she is keeping the door open with you and feels comfort in just hearing your voice. This has happened in my relationship with my sons B-mom, but I have never pushed the issue. I know she is comforted and at peace when we are talking.. not just when we talk about our son.....just everyday talk.
Please, be patient with her.... she has a big void in her life right now not only in her womb but also in her heart....and these may just be her darkest hours. When you are able you can pick up the piece to this relationship and build on it. It takes time to make a solid foundation when your building on sand. Sand, the many unfamiliar and crazy emotions, which fly through the air in this world of adoption It can be overwhelming when you are first introduced into this world.....and with an open adoption it can be more overwhelming...it has its own sets of issues. But once it becomes familiar it becomes easier and doable.
But remember this to shall pass with time. All we can do is Live...One Day At A Time. Peace and prayers be with you !!