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You know, I remember that those first few months post partum were some of the hardest of my life. Your body has just spent the last nine months preparing you for a baby, and then there isn't one to take care of. She is going through ALOT of hormonal things right now that she really can't control, no matter how hard she may try. My doctor told me that it honestly takes about six months for all of the pregnancy hormones to work their way out of a woman's body. That was something I didn't realize until I had given birth.
I also remember thinking, I can do this thing on my own, I don't need help. Thank goodness I had a partner that continually pointed out that yes I did need help healing, and that I had counselling available to me, to take advantage of it. I still do to this day.
I think the boundaries are a great idea. I wish that I would have known when my son's parents would call me rather than them leaving it up to me to call when I felt like it. I felt like calling every day. I wanted to know that my baby was ok, but I knew that wasn't appropriate. Setting specific times when you are going to call is an excellent idea.
It is scary handing over this precious little person that you have cared for for nine months to virtual strangers. I don't care how well you get to know each other before the birth, in the end, you have only known each other a few months. If you were writing your will would you pick a friend that you had only known for a few months to care for your child should something happen to you? First parents have to rely on social workers and a higher power that their baby is in the right hands. That is a HUGELY scary thing. So I can understand why she would be afraid that babe would forget her and that you may close the adoption, even when you say you won't.
Like I said, the boundaries are great, establish them now, even though it seems difficult. You do have to put your son first, and eventually she will realize that to, I would guess that hormones are partly still to blame right now. I know that seems like an easy out, but we all know what hormonal imbalance can do to a woman.
Hang in there, it does get easier, her grief, while it may never go away, will ease and become easier to cope with. I will warn you though, the jealousy part can be harder, it is very hard to watch someone else raise your child and not be slightly jealous, no matter how old your child is.
I have rambled on enough, I hope that these thoughts help you some! Good luck and congratulations on the new addition to your family!
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