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I found my daughter 1n 2004. After meeting her, I found out that her amom had been responsible for our reunion. Courtney was afraid to contact me in fear of rejection. Her mom is an AWESOME lady! She was truly the angel I had prayed for when giving my daughter up for adoption.
I am assuming that you just SHOCKED them. I am sure that when they pictured a reunion, it would be initiated by them after she turned 18. So....... you jumped the gun a little bit. It is not the end of the world! In fact, knowing the high charged emotions of wanting to speak to your adopted child after all those years...... I would be shocked if you could have held back. The facts are: You know she wants to meet you. That would not be her reaction unless she had been raised knowing she was put up for adoption out of love. This message was given to her by her mother.
You MUST respectfully wait now. The one thing I really concentrated on during my reunion was: Leave the ball in their court. She will naturally be completely loyal to her mother. As it should be. She will not want to do anything to hurt her, and it puts her in a tough situation. She wants to meet you, yet she is afraid of hurting her mother. It may take them awhile to work that out. Allow them that time.
Let them decide how much contact they want and how to proceed. do not push yourself into their lives without invitation. Let them go at whatever pace is comfortable for them. They are a package deal. Her amom will always be the one she thinks of as "mom". She is the one who laughed and cried with her for 17 years.
After 2 years, I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter. But I make no mistake... I am not her "real" mom. I am her birth mom. I try to stay in my place and not be too opinionated. Courtney is going to be 23 this year. She has 2 sisters 15 and 17 yrs old - which mean the world to her as she was raised an only child. Our time together is very precious. It gets better each time we see each other. My relationship with her mom makes all the difference.
As hard as it is.... just be patient and God will work this out for you. I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you.
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