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I'm adopted and first of all I want to say I do feel for you in this difficult situation.I'm sure that for most women adoption is far from an easy option.I have also adopted myself and see myself as a good adoptive mother-I give our daughter plenty of chances to talk about the loss she feels over her birth family.
My adoptive parents were never able to negate the losses I experienced through adoption, though I do have a good life now so I can not say adoption ruined my life.I do understand how manty adoptees do feel thier life is ruined by adoption though and that even with wonderful loving adoptive parents the extent of loss can be immeasurable.My personal belief is that I will never be able to erase my daughters losses but I am convinced that for her(daughter) adoption was the only real solution.
I would certainly not advise you to rush into a decision for several months after the baby is born and I would be wary of seeing other adoptive couples who are wonderful potential parents who will be able to satisfy your childs every need.The craving of an adopted child is often for the mother who gave birth to them, but sometimes this craving is unrecognised or denied because of low self esteem or fear of upsetting the adoptive parents who may well be very good parents.
I do wish you all the best with this very difficult decision and I don't want to add to any guilt you may have-I know my bmum felt so bad at letting me go and I have not faced the pressures you are under.
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