[DCMomLady]

Hi, mybabyjordy!

I'm responding from a different perspective. I hope you don't mind. I'm not a birthmother, but I am an adoptive mother who has bipolar disorder.

I think I know what you're feeling. The hopelessness, depression and fatigue. And the feeling that you can't keep up with your life and MUST make a change. Sometimes, it is hard for us to take care of ourselves, let alone meet the demands of an energetic 2-year-old. But I want to assure you that it can be done.

I guess you're probably newly diagnosed and still searching for the right combination of medications to keep you in balance. Let me assure you that it is possible to find that balance and live a semi-normal life. I was diagnosed 30 years ago and I've been on many, many different drugs in my search for stability; but I never gave up. I've been on the same combo for about 10 years now -- Carbamazepine (an anti-convulsant that works to control my manic side), Lexapro (an anti-depressant that keeps the carbamazepine from forcing me into depression), and Trazadone (an anti-depressant that helps me to sleep). What works for me may not work for you, but I want you to know that something will work for you, if you make a commitment to your own better health and just keep trying.

Being bipolar has not prevented me from having a happy marriage for 23+ years, nor did it stop me from adopting our beautiful daughter. She is about to turn 4 years old -- and believe me, I know how stressful it can be. But I consider myself to be a good mother and my daughter provides daily evidence that I am.

I am blessed to have the support of a wonderful husband. I wouldn't have attempted to parent without him but I wouldn't say that I couldn't do it, especially if I had some family support.

I just wanted to tell you that being bipolar doesn't mean you can't parent, or even that you can't do it well. It just means you'll have to take better care of yourself along the way. I have had a chance to get to know many other people with bipolar disorder. Some of them are great parents, some do a passable job, and some are just awful -- about the same split as the percentages in the mentally healthy population, I'd guess.

I hope you give yourself a chance to find stability. At least, try not to make this kind of decision from a depressed mood. The truth of my extensive experience is: Changing the circumstances of your life -- whether it's your job, your mate, or your living situation -- won't help! You will still be bipolar and you will still have inexplicable mood swings until you get stable on medication. And when you do get stable, your life will be full of wonderful moments and great opportunities that you might wish you were sharing with your son.

I wish you all the best.