I arranged a visit with DS's birthmom. I've missed her so much - we haven't seen her in several months.
Things went well. She fed him his bottle, loved on him like crazy, and we talked and talked about how he looks just like her other son, DS's brother, and laughed at how they have they have the same facial expressions. I was glad he got to see her too. I mean, I know he knows who she is because we talk about her every day.
It was so good to see her and to be able to give her a hug. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and worry about her and pray for her.
With previous visits, she has done so well when it was time for her to go. This time, however, she was so hesitant to leave and even said she didn't want to go but she had to get to work. And when she left it was if my heart was being ripped from my chest.
I can't help but to continually think of how unfair it was for her to have a life so chaotic that she had to make the sacrifice she did. I am acutally feeling guilty as though adopting DS was "taking him away from her." In my heart I know that she knows she made the right decision, but the emotions with adoption are so complex that it's difficult to handle sometimes.
I don't have any particular reason in posting this except to share my thoughts and feelings with all of you and to ask, if you don't mind, to say a prayer for her continued peace.
Thanks so much for listening!