[mom2GRLC]

I'm sure it must have been very upsetting to find out last minute that he wasn't even going to be there and probably wasn't going to call or anything. Your DD is old enough to anticipate his coming and I'm sure it broke your heart to know that he wasn't putting her first(even just one time a year) to make sure he made it to go see her. I think your Momma Bear instincts are coming out a little. It's hard to forgive someone when they do something that you see hurts or has the potential of hurting your child.

I would cut the guy some slack though. He really only missed one visit. You can't get mad at him for missing another visit he wasn't even invited to. You may be right. He may not have planned to even contact you to tell you he wasn't coming. Then again he might have been on the fence about it until your husband called, then decided not to go cause it would be too hard for him.

I understand you were hurt by him. But in reality you did the same thing to him. You didn't contact him to tell him you weren't going this year. What if he had shown up and you weren't there? You could use the same scenerio for him...."he doesn't care enough for your daughters feelings to make it to a planned visit even just once a year" the same could be said about you " You don't care enough about DD's connections to her birthfather that you can't arrange your schedule just one day a year to make it to visit him and keep it a priority".

I'm just saying that we all make mistakes in relationships. We all get hurt feelings and may act on those feelings when really we should strive to take the higher road.

I know how hard it is to be an adoptive mother. To try and maintain contact when you feel like your doing all the work and their reaping all the benfits.

But if you just think of how he must feel to see her and to know that that is his daughter yet he is missing out on so much of her life. how painful it must be to even go to a visit or look at her picture. It may be easier to see that although you may be doing all the planning and maintenance type work in the relationship....he certianly caries the greater burden emotionally and when you see him and you see his tears I'm sure you know that is true.

Keeping an open adoption is very hard. But when you see the smile and and tears on the birthfamilies face and see how grateful they really are and how much joy it brings to them to see their bchild again it makes it all worthwhile. Your DD will sense his love and that will forever change her life to know ...that above anythign else....she is truly loved by so many.

I say don't give up. Realize what a blessing it is to have him in your DD's life even when you have to do all the planning and contacting. She will still reap the benefits from that contact regardless of who makes the first call.