|
AMom2Two,
I think that you should continue to pursue contact with your daughter's bfather. This is a man who had was pressured to relinquish from the moment he found out he was a father. He had no time to prepare - no time to process the idea that he was a father. Everyone was waiting for him to make a decision. What horrible pressure he must have been under! I feel for him. I am sure he is still grieving. I know I am still grieving the loss of my son, and he is 26 years old AND I am in reunion with him.
I would think that the situation has been difficult for him and continues to be painful. He probably enjoys the visits and then hurts very badly afterwards. He does need to make an effort. However, it sounds like he is having trouble understanding that he is important and unreplaceable in his daughter's life. This concept is foreign to many bparents, who end up believing the incorrect adoption propaganda that says they are no longer important, that they are replaceable and that they have been completely replaced.
I am confused as to why you broke your agreement with him to meet him at the picnic. Having in-laws in town does not sound like much of a reason. Yes, he missed a picnic to attend his own wedding. Its very unfortunate he didn't or couldn't schedule that differently. However, his next promised picnic meeting was canceled by you, in violation of your agreement. Please remember that adoptive parents have ALL OF THE POWER when it comes to scheduling visits - and bparents are painfully aware of that. So, your failure to invite him to the agreed yearly meeting may have been a blow to him - I don't know. I know you have offered him other visits, and I can only guess that he is not taking you up on the visits because of the reasons I have already mentioned. .
I think you should continue to reach out. This man lost his child with 2 days notice. I wonder if he has ever gotten any counseling for that. Did the agency care enough to follow through with him about that? Some day he may be in a place where he can understand his value to his daughter.
__________________
Isabo
|