I need opinions please..
Here is a short history. Our dd is 5 years old
We met bfather after he relinquished. He had a 6 month relationship with dd bmom. She ended it and she never told him that she was pregnant. He found out about our dd when the adoption agency contacted him when our dd was three days old (before we were in the picture). He was informed that he was named the father of a baby girl and baby's mother is placing the child for adoption thru their agency, they needed to meet with him. He informed them that he was taking custody of the child and would not sign, but after sitting on his decision for 2 days called the agency and said he was reading to sign. The baby was still in the hospital. That is when we were notified of dd birth and situation. Before we bought the child home from the hospital, he signed, he told the social worker he was interested in meeting us.
We meet when dd was 6 weeks old and decided to meet once a year at the agency picnic. We meet there for 3 years straight. Each visit was hard on him upon leaving. I would see him choking back tears as he walked away. Last year, he did not make it. He got married and said he would be away on his honeymoon that week. We told him to contact us when he wanted to get together. We have not heard from him.
This past picnic, we did not invite him as we had in-laws in town from Florida. He did not contact us.
I was thinking of contacting him since we could not invite him to the picnic to see if he wants to visit but I feel kind of like we're chasing him. Ever since the first visit, he has our telephone number and we have always told him, if you need more visits, just call. He never did. Last year, we sent him the invite to the picnic 4 weeks prior to the picnic which is held on a Sunday. The Thursday before the picnic, I had my dh call him because we haven't heard from him. That is when we were told that he got married and plan to be away and can not attend the picnic. Dh and him had a nice conversation and before dh hung up he told him again call when you want to get together. He never called.
Part of me wants to contact him one more time, yet another part of me feels this is his way of saying, leave me alone. I don't want to chase him, or bother him. I don't know if he is feeling unsure of where he fits into all of this, as he does seem to be the sensitive type. We do know he married a woman 10 years older then him, who had 4 children and she does not have custody of any of those children. He said they were living with their father in Florida which they were planning to visit and break the news to.
We always got along great when we did visit with her bfather. At the last visit he told me that it was getting easier for him. We have always been the last people to leave the picnic.
I'm starting to get the feeling that if I want dd bfather in our life, I have to do all the work and I don't want that. It makes me feel as if I'm chasing him. My dd has a father, I don't need to chase this man around. I feel he needs to step up to the plate some. I don't want to push this relationship when I don't have the other side really embracing it, KWIM?
Would I be "too pushy" to contact him again, but what do I say? Do you want to visit? Give him our telephone number again. It's starting to feel uncomfortable....
Maybe I should wait until next year to invite him to the picnic again and see what he says. Is that a better idea?
Any opinions?
