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Aray, I read your post a little while ago and left it as it was very painful for me to read. After some thought I decided to respond. I believe you have good intentions as you are seeking input and support from all positions of the triad. You have asked, how we as adoptees have felt knowing our Mothers had children before us. Well, I can tell you exactly how I have felt. Perhaps our circumstances vary, but the result the same. I am the youngest of nine children and I was adopted out at just under age one along with several other of my bsiblings to seperate homes while some of the oldest children remained. I have found my bmother and five bsiblings after forty years, we have been reunited now for two years. We are rebuilding our relationships and our lives. If you asked me what effect this has had on me, I personally could never begin to express into words the grief and the loss of all these years missed, not only with my bMother but the sense of loss in many ways runs deeper with the grief lost with my bsiblings. I have had a brother who was tragically killed over twenty years ago who was just six years older, whom I'll never have the chance to know. It has been written that the bond with our siblings becomes one that often outlives all of our other relationships when given the opportunity to flourish. I can tell you it's a kind of pain that I seldom can look at, a pain that sends a burning behind my eyes, a lump in my throat where I can't breathe, and a sickness in my stomach, it is a pain that lies deep in the hearts of my brothers and sisters and myself, of time that we simply cannot get back.
Sincerely,
Rose
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