[aray]

I am a mother of 2 children ages 7 and 3-1/2. I have only been divorced 5 months and am due in August. My pregnancy was not the cause of my divorce - however I believe that if I didn't get pregnant my ex and I would still be together - due to the fact that a few months before our divorce was final we started to work things out. but once my pregnancy was announced - both of us pulled back. My ex is very supportive of me - and my choices. We have a very good relationship and neither of us have ruled out the chance of us being together again. (we were married young at age 20, and our son was already 1-1/2 by then) so we had a lot of pressure being young and married - but as his business sky rocketed and became very successful the 'status' got to his head being so young in his profession and excelling well beyond many others who invested many more years than him - needless to say he lost sight of being a husband and family man - those days are dwindling down, and both of us are seeking counciling for our issues)

I am currently with the father of my child - (however our relationship is fizzeling - we're still great friends right now - it's complicated - but we're in this together)(there is no way that this child is my ex's not even by .01%) He has 2 children from his previous marriage (ages 5,4) and has been divorced for 3 years now - so he's been able to 'cope' and 'grieve' his divorce. We are looking at adoption - slowly, but still starting paperwork. We will know for sure once the baby is born.

What I'm seeking is opinions and such on how you would/or do feel about being adopted knowing that your mother had 2 other children before you. I am not looking at this as an easy out to get back with my ex - because who knows if that'll ever happen. However my mind has struggled long and hard throughout this pregnancy. I've recently been put on anti-depressents due to me laying in bed on the weekend I don't have my children and not wanting to do anything. I've tried very hard - but for some reason I don't feel 'connected' to my unborn - I'm a good mother - GREAT mother - and I think because I know what a child needs/deserves adoption is calling me for my unborn. I know that the father of this child and I will not be together. He would like to keep the child if we should stay together, but not if we're not - both of us see how our children are with going back and forth between parents - and we don't want that for this one.

Please any feedback would be great! I still haven't mentioned any of this to my children or his - as we're still unsure of our choice. We plan on taking the baby home for a few days to really pray over it and think about it - but the more I pray for peace of mind - adoption is what calms me.

Thank you for 'listening' - if you would like to see more of my story I also have a thread under birthfamily support- and my heading is -'I'm a mother of 2 and pregnant - am I horrible for thinking for adoption.. Please help!'