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I just re-read your post and I apologize for mis-interpreting parts of it the first time around. With all due respect, have you tried talking to your daughter about why she is opposed to a last-name change? A name change IS a big deal (esp since all of her friends know her as whatever her last name is now). I do understand your wanting to "have a sense of untiy" within your family. But if someone told me at 11 that I was going to be Jane Salaz instead of Jane Smith, I might be opposed to that as well. Whether or not YOU identify her with that last name, she may very well identify HERSELF with that last name. I've had the same last name all of my life, I did not change it to my ex's last name. I have really thought about whether I would change it to someone ELSE'S last name if I got married again. If your daughter was just asserting control where she could and really does want to change her last name, then I say go for it. IF, however, she does not want to change her last name, I *personally* (disclaimer that this is just what *I* would do, not what YOU have to do) would not change it. After all, if she is the same person no matter what, why force her to change her name if she doesn't want to (and potentially create even more friction than that you are trying to avoid by changing her name)? Either way, I'm sure you'll do what is best for your family.
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