[quote=gottahavehope]When I read these boards, I'm constantly reminded how smart and brave you women are. Just thought it would be interesting to hear more.
So, what is the best advice you would give someone going through this process?
If you are even considering a county adoption I'd do the MAPP classes early. Get your classes done, your home inspection done, then your homestudy packet (which is more mysterious to newbees than it is difficult) DONE! Then you'll know what direction to take.
Secondly, be open to county adoptions! In larger counties there's generally no wait for newborns or kids under 3. When I was taking classes a facilitator asked the question
"What is the difference between county and private adoption". A woman piped up
"The quality of the children". I nearly threw my Slurpee at her, so did a lot of other people. If you talk with people who've done both the exposure and adjustment issues are about the same. There is NO difference in the longterm success of the kids, period. There's also no difference in the longterm success of children who were placed as older kids and only 4% of kids over the age of 5yo will ever be placed.
County adoptions come with full medical charts and court mandated disclosure. It matters. I have my son's prenatal records and his parent's history. We have access to information about his siblings and even to the siblings themselves. Also, he came with full medical insurance (zero co-pays) and a monthly subsidy because we opted to go for a special needs child (our choice!).
Most of my friends who adopted thru the county chose 'normal' kids and that's what they got. None of us requested caucasian kids but I think three of the people in my class wound up with caucasian babies. (As in private adoption, only a fraction of placed babies are not minorities.) Only a few of us went in actually requesting high-risk babies or children, because we knew that they didn't stand a chance to be considered, and we were fully aprised and had medical back-up. Still, you go into a special needs adoption with different expectations and goals. It might not work for everyone.
Lastly, lose your fears. You ARE good enough. Your credit is good enough. Your past is behind you. No one is going to look at you thru magnifying glasses. At least that is true with county adoptions.