Fortunately, we've had a little break in the rages
. I think I've been able to head some of them off by saying, "Let's have a nice day, okay?" and then distracting her. I do think my ignoring her and/or walking away was making them worse. Next time, I will try comforting her.
Here's what I was talking about when I say she has been manipulative. She and I have MANY nights where she wants to talk about traumatic experiences from her past, her fears and worries, and her confusion about why things happened the way they did. We have these conversations over and over, which is fine, because I think she is really trying to re-proccess and integrate the memories. Sometimes it is heartbreaking to see her in a lot of emotional pain, and to think of what she has been through.
These talks do bring us closer together. But I can tell a definite difference between when she genuinely needs to talk and when she just wants to have me to herself. Sometimes she says she wants to 'talk' (which we do in her room or mine), and then she smiles and looks upward, trying to think of something to say. Then she'll tell me some very benign story from the past, and she will try to drag the conversation out when it is really about nothing. She'll even copy a fear that C mentioned (which is distinctly C's worry), to get the same nurtuting response that C got.
I just don't want her to think that now she can get extra snuggle time by throwing monstrous fits! We'll see how it goes
.