[sfbaymom2000]

Hi all,

In the past, we have dealt with a lot of control issues with M. Some related issues have been extreme defiance and excessive complaining /whining. And there are others. However, the extreme tantrums or 'rage's she is having now are kind of new. Much more extreme than in the past - complete with kicking the walls, throwing things, grunting, screaming, pounding her fists against her legs.

These episode virtually always start because of some extremely minor thing, like her not getting exactly what she wanted on something, or I remind her that she is whining/complaining.

Last night it was after she said, "you didn't buy me PJ's". Well, we had gone shopping earlier and I bought her a bunch or beautiful new clothes that she picked out. So I said softly, "Can you maybe be happy about all nice clothes you got?" She flew into a rage, that lasted about forty minutes. I told her several times, "all you need to do is calm down". Sometimes she thinks she is in trouble. SHe usually storms into her room and rages in there, acting like sh'e not allowed to come out. She also gets very clinging and gets a terrified look if I walk away from her (probably several issues going on there).

When I ignore the tantrum, she seems to get more frustrated. When she has kicked the walls, I have gone in taken away toys, which of course aggravates her more. I know what our therapist will say...that this is a sign of anxiety or needing more control in her life. And I will try to give her a bit more control. I can't reach the therapist today, but will call tomorrow. Last time we discussed this, she didn't really give me any advice. I think tomorrow she will tell me that when M is raging is when she needs to be comforted. I understand that to a point, but I am also not going to reward her behavior with suggles and hugs.

Okay, I am really rambling on here. She's had a lot going on lately in terms of more traumatic memories surfacing. Also, she was devastated to leave her preschool teachers. To top it off, we have to switch to a new therapist in a few weeks (which she knows), as our current one only sees kids under 6. So these new losses are really tough for a kid who's had so many losses already. M has just started saying (during these fits) that she is bad, that we don't love her, etc.

Sorry to go on so long. I guess I am looking for specific advise for when she is raging. She seems to have so much anger in her lately, that we didn't really see as much before. How should I handle this?

Thanks so much!