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Jess,
You are starting a long scary walk and I hope you keep that in mind as this situation unfolds. Many private adoptions include everything that you've mentioned and many birthmoms choose names for their babies, even when they relinquish. It means nothing legally, period. It's what they need to do to get through the moment.
As far as the paternity test goes, it sounds like a manipulative attempt to get her boyfriend back. Expect that threat to evaporate as quickly as it popped up. Seriously. I've heard that one before but never heard of it working out.
She needs to get counseling and without an agency behind her she's not going to get it through any mandatory track. I'd make **** sure that it's in the adoption that you've offered to pay for some sessions, say 10 of them. If she denies needing it then she can't say that you railroaded her or discounted her feelings. Keep in mind that therapy at a community health center should run her about $50 a sesson.
What a mess, but it's a typical one.
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