Jannyroo...Reunions are hard, very hard at times.
Becoming a new mom, sort of, after all these years of not actively being one, well, that is like trying to fit ourselves into a pair of shoes that we used to wear..even tho we love them and all, our feet have stretched and it's uncomfortable...
It sounds like both of you are in pain right now..growing pains, all sorts of pains.
I read that during reunion both parties get thrown back to various ages in a way...he soyunds like he may be acting like a toddler, throwing tantrums, and may be feeling his confusion over adoption, etc..He still lives at home, I think I read, so that adds another variable into the mix..he may be getting some messages from his a-ffamily.
You are also perhaps feelng like that young girl who had to sign him away..more confusion and hurts are resurfacing. Plus, this all started off well, right, so who is prepared for it to change so quickly? That's the roller coaster thing..up and down.....
I can see where running seems like the perfect solution..and you do have to do what works for you. While I feel sad and concerned because you are feeling so lost and maybe even betrayed, I am not sure if ending it will serve you well either, or him.
He already sounds like he is having a hard time believing that you even want him at all...his fear that you aren't accepting him..if you leave, that will confirm that for him.
I think someone suggested that he may be testing you, not unlike a child, to see if you are here to stay.
That doesn't mean that you become a doormat and take his abuse, but do you feel there is a way that you can lovingly say to him that you are here to stay, but his behavior is hurting you..asking if he can respect that you don't want to be spoken to with cuss words, etc..that it is offensive to you? On the other hand, they are only words..well, to me, they are...and if he is as pianed as you are, he may be having a hard time with everything, too.
Do you know what sort of relationship he has with his a-family?
Oh, jannyroo..it is all very hard to figure out..sometimes we don't ever figure things out. At two months I think I was still pretty hi up on that roller coaster, but it didn't take too much longer for it to go crashing down..then it goes up...
if you can be aware that this is how it goes for awhile, maybe you can be comfortable with that..sort of?
Have you read any books or do you have a counselor or adoption support group that you could seek out? He may need one, too, if you could suggest that.
Since you didn't go onto have more children, having him in your life now is not unlike bringing home a new baby..so much to learn about each other, even tho you are familiar wioth each other..and a lot of responsibility involved, too.
Do you remember how you felt at relinquishment? Maybe if we can listen to your heart, maybe it'll help you get thru some of the old hurts ... Whatever you do is surely your choice and you do have to take care of yourself..I do hope that if you chose to walk away from all of this, that you are able to tell him, so he's not left in the dark..and I, too, hope that you leave a door open.
It's all so new...I am sorry that you both are hurting so much....I hope that you are feeling better today..both of you. Communication is so important at these times and both adoptees and b-moms have so many things to revisit and feel...it's tough. Be kind to yourselves..a friend told me a way back to give it to God...