Janny,
If you are having suicidal thoughts, I URGE you to call your therapist right now or as soon as you can. Don't wait. This is serious and it may be that you need some time to focus completely on yourself and get some help. If that means getting away for a few days or however long to get that help, then maybe that's what is necessary. You need to take care of yourself.
Please call your therapist and let her/him know truly how you are feeling. I would also suggest seeing if you can go to see your therapist more than once a month with all that's been going on and what you're going through with this reunion rollercoaster with your bson.
Keep talking and please know we are all here for you!
God Bless.
Anne
