|
In our family, I've been the reluctant one. My motivation started out being to add to our family. We have a lot of love to share and really good "kid skills." And I had a vision of having more children, and it being a lot like it would be if we had more biological children. And my husband kept pointing out that it's not about me and what I want, but about what direction God calls us. And my husband's the one that waited for me to realize that while we want to add to our family, there are children that need a family like ours... and that our need to add to our family is not more important than children's need to have us as their family. So, I wanted to adopt from China to avoid all the garbage that goes along with foster/adopt. But he kept pointing to the children... reminding me of the unique set of skills God has given us that work in so perfectly with foster children's needs. Sigh. I know he's right. But it's taken me a long time to get over my self-focused agenda. I know that makes me a schmuck. Sorry. Especially since all of you were already there with your selflessness, from the beginning!
So, being on the other side, maybe your husbands are sharing some of my fears:
Can I handle a troubled child 24/7 for life?
What if we get a psychopath. (I know! I didn't say I was reasonable/educated/smart!)
What if I go into a deep depression for months after a child is reunited with birthparents and I can't be a good mom to the kids I have.
How am I gonna cope if I believe that child is going back into a horrible situation when they are reunited. (ooooo that one hasn't gone away.)
Will my 11 yo daughter be ok with a child leaving. She gets so attached to kids.
Do I really have what it takes.
Can we really afford it, when chances are they will have increased needs.
And if I were a husband, I would undoubtedly wonder if it would interfere with sex in some way. lol
So, I still don't have any of those answers. But I trust God. And I trust my husband, and I'm willing to let myself be vulnerable, because it's not really what I will do, but what Christ will do in me and through me. (hey, I'm a pastor!) And since God says that He has a plan for each one of us, a plan to prosper us and not to harm us, a plan to give us a hope and a future, then I will just lean on Him. But it has definitely tested my trust.
|