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It might be that he's not doing well right now? If they disrupted the adoption at age 11, he likely has had a lot of problems/challenges in the last 7 years. That can't have been a good situation for him and I'm sure he's had a lot of healing to do.
So the sw just might be truly acting in his best interests right now, saying that he's not ready. All depends on where he is at right now in his life.
Given that he's 18 and and still in foster care tells me there is a reason for that. While some states have the legal age of 21 for kids to age out of the system, many states are at 18. It might be that he needs the stability right now even as a young adult and a meeting with anyone might upset that.
Next time you talk to the sw, maybe ask her if you can just send a letter to remain in his file for when he's ready.
I'm sure it's hard to just sit and wait though and also hard for your other son!
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Mom to 4 fun loving kids (adopted from foster care)
7 years into our forever family! 
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