[mom2GRLC]

What a diffiuclt situation.

I do hear a lot of mixed feelings on her part. There are stong conflicting emotions in adoption. That can and do change very frequently even within the same day.

Just trust that this is her dealing wiht her fealings and have nothing to do with you. You have gone above and beyond what you even agreed to.

There certinaly have to be boundaries set and YOU will be the one to set them and make sure they are followed not only by her but yourself. If you say no...then be consistant(hardest thing for me...because I too am a softy like you...and want to give more to help out in any way I can). But the more I learned from my own experience is that....by giving so much I was actually making the problem worse. It would have been better if i just set up boundaries and stuck to them. Instead our relationship often burned very hot and cold. It's better to be stable and consistant and just stick to the boundaries...BELIEVE ME!!! She won't like it, because of course she wants more...and she probably always will....but she will see that you by doing so you do care for her....you do keep your word and can be trusted. It will also give her more time to work through her feelings in between times.

YOU are your childs mother. This is NOT co-parenting. She needs to know what the boundaries are and when she comes close to stepping over them she needs to be told gently to step back.

If you have tried to set boundaries and work through this and it is just not working (with current feelings and outbursts) than a break is probably necessary. In doing so you will give each other the space to work through your feelings and provide a more healthy relationship. She has to know that while you sympathize with how difficult this is for her your daughter comes first....and if she can't provide a healthy relationship than there can not be direct contact.....until she is able to(regardless of what your original agreement was). Your daughter comes first and from what you've said....that can't be healthy for your EE.