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I have two bio boys whom I breastfed and an adopted daughter who came into our family at 14 months old. I can tell you without any hesitation I am equally bonded to all three. Bonding is a choice just as parenting is a choice. With each event and each day it becomes easier. I have not bonded with any of them the first moment. My first son was taken to the NICU for the first 5 days of his life. I was only allowed to hold him for one minute before they took him away. My second son never left my side but maybe it's just my personality to warm up to people.
I have learned that mothering has much more to do with being there. Sometimes that starts in utero sometime it dosen't. I look at it as being a verb (action) not a noun (object).
As for your wifes questions I would find someone who has both bio and adopted kids or just adopted kids that she could talk to. That will go much farther to helping her. You are welcome to PM me.
Diana
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