[myheart]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

The true gift of open adoption gets lost because the focus is not on the true recipient.[/QOUTE]

The gift of adoption in my family is focused on the true recipients,all who are involved in my sons life. He was our gift from heaven above. Everyones beliefs are different. There cannot be one setway in adoption because we are not all the same.

If adoption is truly about providing families for children and not about providing children for families, than the "child as a gift" is a concept that we in the adoption community need to rid ourselves of.[/QOUTE]

You see this is where I disagree. The focus now is on my son, but if I did not have the desire to be a mother deep down in my core. I am not sure that adoption would have been presented to me. So, initially the idea about adoption was about me and the the desire to be a mother. Now, once I became a mother...I like many mothers took to the mother role and have placed my son before everything including myself. Unfortunatley, not all mother do this, sometimes it takes longer for some b-moms and a-moms. It depends on the enviroment they are currently in. Or in the state of mind they are in. There are so many facets in this gem we call adoption. What works for one cannot work for the other.The words we use are the same,we will not agree on everything. If my son were to come to me and say, "Mommy I am insulted by being reffered to as a gift", I would stop using that phrase all together. I myself have read on this very forum...adoptees reffering themselves as gifts to their parents.
I have said it before and I will say it again out of respect for those in this forum who are insulted by being reffered to as a gift I will refrain from using it here.
However, out of respect for us a-moms who choose to use this word, respect us for our well meaning hearts. I am not being prideful or argumentive, my point is simple.
Gift to me is a blessing from Gods arms,to Bs arms, to my arms....and because gift for me revolves around my belief ...God. I cannot and will not rid this word and the
the way it used from my life.


[/Qoute]If we are truly focused on the needs of the child, than we will work through our fear, discomfort and grief to get to the place where all of the child's family, both birth and adoptive, can be honored and respected.[/QOUTE]

I believe this statement to be true in my life . B and her family have always respected me as my sons mother. They have never iterfered in the way we raise our son,
in return I have always respected them as my sons other family and now as a part of our family. I have always loved my sons family as they have always loved us. The love for my son is so great that I could not help but love every single part of him. B is a part of him when I see her I see my angel. I know in my heart this is why our relationship is so strong, because of him. I see my son in her and she sees our son in us. I see my son and I see Bs beautiful eyes and hair. She sees our son and she sees our mannerisms in him....though she says that he looks more like us than her. He is a part of us all he is our g*** to us all.

[/QOUTE]In return we will find ourselves deluged with unexpected gifts from our children. Gifts given not out of guilty gratitude or obligation, rather given freely, based on the knowledge that they are fully loved and accepted for who they are.
[/quote]
The only gift I want from my son is himself and his love. My son is not an object he is not my property.
He is and always will be my son, my blessing, my g*** .Gift for me is stated with Love and not in the derogatory sense. To some it may be belittling to others it is received as a blessing.

Many Blessings ,
Myheart