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Have you spoken with the social worker yourself? I still have a close relationship with our agency director (my daughters are 5 now) and go to her whenever I have questions about adoption in general and our situation in particular.
I'm make a huge jump to conclusion here, but it sounds as though your daughter's birthmom may be very young? Did she have counseling before or after placement? Our girls' birthmom had a great deal of counseling dealing with the potential grief issues she would encounter, and honestly...she's about the most grounded person I've ever known. She expresses to us that she's at peace with her decision to place the twins and, although it was the most difficult choice she ever made, she knows it was the right thing for the children (she has an older daughter she is parenting).
I'm sorry you're struggling with this, and would encourage you to seek out advice from the social worker. He/she may be the best source for you, as birthmom is in contact with him/her.
Best of luck!
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