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One of my dear friends provided respite care for the son of one of her friends. I don't know a lot of the details but the situation sounds VERY similar to yours except that the child was younger. My friend knew that she was taking a terrible emotional risk but this remarkable woman did it for the sake of the child. She asked for no committment from the family and never mentioned adoption. She did it to help the mom get back on track and be a good mother. After 2 years of the boy moving back and forth, there was a mutual agreement that my friend would adopt the little boy. He is now in his 20's and has had continued contact with his first family but mom is clearly his adoptive mother. He graduated at the top of his class from a top university and is getting married this year.
So, in my opinion, offering respite care is a loving thing to do as long as it is unconditional. Perhaps the mother will come around and straighten up her life. Maybe she will see that her child needs the stable environment that you can offer. That said, it is an emotionally risky situation for you and, as I am sure you are VERY aware, the ending may not be as happy as my friend's.
Good luck and bless you for caring about this child.
Happy G'Ma
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