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Why does adoption have to be a big secret? Why does it have to have a negative connotation? Why can't we just see it as extending our family?! I will never feel like I am losing a child, but that I am gaining a whole new family. That is the joy of open adoption.
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It's great that you find peace. But I'm uncertain; have you placed yet or are you pregnant and considering adoption for your child? You said "this child will live several states away," which is a future tense sentence so I'm just a bit confused.
As for your questions: adoption is sometimes a secret from others because of the stigma placed on firstparents, adoptive parents, adoptees and adoption in general. There is a loss, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, for all members of the triad.
There is joy in open adoption. But there is also loss. It's a bittersweet world we live in.