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Originally Posted by kune
Brenda
But if a woman has decided to relinquish, all her energy is then put in to the quality of life offered by prospective adoptive parents. In my original post I believe that living with a prospective family would give a mother security in the long term. She is able to make a real connection with the family and after placement would continue to foster that connection with child and family. Perhaps I should moderate my reply to the poll and say those that are committed to placement could find it beneficial.
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I am one of those professionals that do not believe the decision to place can be made until after a parent has seen and held their baby. Until then the baby is not a reality. Real informed choice means that they have this information.
I believe living with the prospective adoptive parents muddles the view. There is too much comparing that goes on ("look at how much they have verses what I have to give") and too many feelings of obligation ("I can't break their hearts after all that they've done for me.") And in the end the birthmother moves out and is right back where she started from. Helping her develop the resources to be independant will help her make an independant decision. It just does not make sense to do anything else.