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Dear Patty-cake,
You and I are close in age, I placed my son in 1972 when I was 21. While I haven't had the same experience in reunion (my son's bdad is dead, for one thing) I think I can relate to what is happening to you.
Refer back to your first post. Your pre-adoption counselor told you once a week that you had nothing to offer. You say that when your daughter found you it brought up a lot of old hurts. No wonder you are wondering what's wrong with you! It's hard to get those voices out of your head!!!
I think that sometimes it's easier for adoptees to connect with the bfather than the bmom (This is only my opinion) because of the desire not to be disloyal to amom. It may be harder for amom because, after all, she is the adopttee' mother, why is the adoptee looking for another.
D's amom is supportive of his wish to know about his background, medical history, etc., but she really thinks that's all that's necessary. She appears to somewhat uncomfortable with a continuing relationship and seems to think he might want to replace his sisters with my other kids. At the same time, she's been very gracious. I just keep trying to say in as many ways as I can that I don't want to take her place (even if D wanted me to!)
Hang in there, send her a note occasionally to let her know that you are there when she wishes contact. And remember - there's nothing wrong with you!!! (Tell yourself that regularly!)
Blessings,
Kathy
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