[Patty-cake]

This is my story and I am wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.

It was 1970 and I was 18 when I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. Her father and I had already broken up. He denied her and then told me that I was causing my own problems because I refused to get an abortion (it may not have been legal but it was done all the time). Long story short adoption was my only viable option. I lost my mind and some the essential me along with her. My family either didn't notice or didn't care.

The only counceling that I had was pre-adoption. Which in those days ment once a week I was told that I had nothing to offer. After several years and a bad marriage resulting in a wonderful son I learned how to cope.

About two years ago I was contacted by my daughter. The contact brought up a lot of old hurts but it was well worth it to hear from her and know that she was alive, loved by her a.family, well educated happily married with one child and another on the way. After awhile she asked if we could meet. I offered to visit (breifly) while on vacation but she wanted to come here as her a.mom wasn't ready to deal with me in the same town.

In the first letter I recieved my dtr. asked about her b.dad. I reluctantly gave her the
information and warned her that he might not be receptive. I told her that he had not helped me but not the mean things he said.

Lo and behold he was thrilled to hear from her! He has no other children and was going to face a lonely old age. He claimed remorse and even wrote an apology to me.
I was happy for both of them.

While I was on vacation he suprised her with a visit. She was tickled to death and they bonded immediately. I felt it was unfair for him to jump the gun on me like that but kept my mouth shut. To her he was great!

She e-mailed me some excerpts from some of his letters to her. He never lied but I feel that he subtally put me in a bad light to make his behavior seem more understandable. Again I said nothing.

After she and I met she wrote that she felt confused and would get back to me when she could handle it.

I admit that I was a nervous wreck when we met and probably too clingy afterward. I also know she has issues with her a.family. However it still hurts to think that she "fell in love" with b.dad instantly and not with me. I'm the one that wanted her.- Patty-cake