[annaguat]

So true. I agree fully that temprament of the children in the home and the ones coming in will affect it more then any parenting. Anna

Originally Posted by mommytoEli&Ethan

Well, for several months we fostered a 4 year old girl, when our son was 2. It was a nightmare and I decided then and there to not fight the birth order. I had not thought about all of things Ethan was used to doing "his way" and now all of a sudden had to do "B's way" b/c in the family where she had come from she was used to being the oldest and so she felt comfortable being in power....and so did Ethan(as his siblings are about 10 yo than he is so he basically functions as an only/older child since they are so far apart). CLASH! Ethan went from playing nicely by himself or with same age friends nicely to being told by his new older sister HOW to play and WHAT to play....and it bothered him. My solution was to enroll the 4 y.o. in part day daycare and to alternate nap times with the 2 kids so that they were not together too much. That made it better, but any time they were together was just horrible. We also fostered a little baby, and during that time, Ethan was fine. He loved to help with the baby, hold him, feed him, "play" with him. He was very loving and brotherly. For OUR family, it just did not work to add a child older than one in our home already, but every family is different and I acknowledge that it will work for some....but I do not think it is just about being or not being a good parent....I think it will also depend on the temperament of each of the children. Good luck.