[mom2GRLC]

I'm feeling a little better today. I've re-read some of our last e-mails since she's moved here and I'm realizing that she probably is just busy and trying to get her life started here. Not that she is purposfully avoiding me.

I'm also trying to take into consideration the difficult stuff going on not only with the move and surely the differnt emotions that that has brought. But also mothers day and this weekend was supposed to be the weekend we had planned for her to orginally come down for a visit to see my daughters ballet performance.

I think that's why I'm feeling so lost. I'm feeling very volnurable. I really want them to be there yet know it is not the best thing for all of us. I even asked my husband if he was willing to think about having them come and he said "no". Which I do agree with it's just hard to convince my heart of that. I want to try again but I just know it won't work out in the end and only cause us all more pain.

i also agree that if she really wanted to just put on a show to get me to invite them to the performance or to more visits....she probably wouldn't have slowed things down so much she probably would have continued to be nicer than ever. So maybe her words were hers....or maybe she is struggling to make that her new way of thinking.

Her mother is very supportive of her having a relationship infact she is the one I've had the most contact with in the past because bmom had moved out of state. However that really is the only person she has on her side in maintaining contact. I really have no one on my side except these forums.

Only problem is that I don't feel free to talk to bgrandma "personally" because I know bmom uses her e-mail account so basically what ever I write to her.....i know bmom will see. The grandma says she want's me to be her friend and share my feelings and what i tell her will be confidential I just don't see how that is possible...when bmom knows her password and gets onto her e-mail everytime she gets on the internet. So really I don't feel like I can talk to her.Now that bmom is living in her mothers home I can't even mail her without wondering if bmom will also read it or open it before grandma does. Not that I really want to keep stuff away from bmom....It's just that the grandma is really the best source to really tell me honestly how the bmom is doing and what is going on.

I am concerned because grandma herself said she really didn't feel bmom was strong enough to come back and stay away from those friends she was hanging out with and doing drugs. Now I hear that she is hanging out with her friends and stuff and I can't help but wonder if those friends are her drug using friends and how she could possibly be friends with them and not get back into drugs like she was. I am hoping and praying for the best but I am also very worried about her.